The battle of the machines

Saturday night is fight night and have we got a card for you! 

It’s a great draw tonight and there are gonna be some real close fights. Lettttt’s get ready to ruuuuumblllllle!

Fight 1: Lightweight division: Rocket Espresso Appartamento v Izzo Vivi

So you saw the weigh in and there was lots of lip from the Izzo camp. The Izzo made the $2.8k Christmas weight limit by just a few dollars. The Rocket sauntered up, stepped on the scales, made the limit easily and and then dropped an inaudible comment into the Izzo camp. We nearly had an early fight on our hands. Ring that bell!

Round #1-5

Lots of manoeuvring and it took a long time before either boxer landed a clean punch. Rocket landeda tentative powdercoat chassis and Izzo countered strongly with a stainless chassis uppercut and a far superior drip tray capacity. Clean cool touch steam wands were easily landed by both fighters. Izzo landed a late boiler and system pressure gauge combo which had Rocket staggering. All judges scored the last round to Izzo.

Round #6-10

Some great shot quality punches thrown by both fighters in this round and the results were in the in cup. It was a tight round and all but one of the judges scored a draw. This judge gave the round to Rocket on ease of fill.

Round #11

Both fighters were seriously into it in this round and a there was many a combo. Rocket opened with a conventional pressurestat and Izzo had Rocket on the ropes with a lightning fast PID/SSR combo. Izzo had a quick 1.5L boiler and Rocket landed a strong 1.8L reply which nearly floored Izzo. Rocket countered with an occasional cooling shot but Izzo was rock solid throughout the latter half of the round with no cooling shot and terrific recovery from anything Rocket was able to deliver. At one point, Izzo had Rocket on the mat. Judges scored the round narrowly to Izzo…

Rounds #12-15

It was clear before the bell that this was going to be a great fight. Both fighters landed strong punches. Rocket landed beautiful design and while Izzo was not as pretty around the ring, it won narrowly on internal build quality and quality of finish. Both fighters hit the mat during round 14 in what was becoming a bloodbath. Trainers were busy at the end of the round dressing wounds and urging their fighters to land the knockout blow in the final round. Round 15 provided no decisive punches and the judges were left to deliberate.

Result: Izzo

While the crowd was uncertain, the judges scored the contest to Izzo on points. Izzo wins the match but has conceded that it will be unlikely to fight at this weight again. In next week’s draw it will take on one of the welterweight Giotto/Mozzafiato twins from the Rocket fighting stable.

Next up, the Light heavyweight event of the evening where the dual boiler champs from Rocket and Izzo take each other on. This battle of the Izzo Alex Duetto Inox and Rocket R58 has been eagerly anticipated…Grab a drink and something to eat and we’ll be back after the break.

Fight 2: Light heavyweight division: Rocket Espresso R58 v Izzo Alex Duetto IV Plus

Breaking News! This fight has been relegated to an exhibition match as Izzo (the heavyweight title holder) has failed to meet the Christmas light heavyweight limit. The fight will go on, but there will be no title belt awarded for this fight. Rocket will retain the belt but may challenge Izzo for the the heavyweight title at some point in the future.

Round #1

Izzo exploded hard and fast out of the red corner and landed some incredible combinations in round one. Izzo scored clean hits on stainless steel chassis, steam pressure, drip tray capacity and the ability to heat both boilers simultaneously. Rocket countered on external design and the ability to remove the PID controller, but was taken to the ropes by the stainless steel mushroom, solenoid and gicleur of the Izzo. Rocket copped an uppercut to the ceramic mushroom which was shattered and will require surgery on Monday. Fortunately, the bell signalled the end of the round and Rocket retired bloodied and battered into the hands of the trainers in the blue corner.

Round #2

Izzo came out of the red corner confident and punching hard on its stainless steel boilers. Rocket landed a couple of punches on ease of fill. Izzo countered on walk-up steam quality and PID adjustability and just like that, the round was over. Yet again, the judges awarded the round to Izzo.

Round #3

Izzo was back out on the bell looking confident and landed a strong combo on external boiler drains and inspection plates. A swift right had Rocket on the ropes and the referee intervened. The bell rang soon after. Rocket again in the hands of the trainers.

Round #4

Rocket and Izzo exchanged strong rallies on resale value and both scored points. Izzo landed a good combo on internal build after which Rocket had no reply. In a shock result, Rocket has hit the mat and was up almost straight away, but not before the referee stopped the fight.

Result: Izzo

With the crowd on their feet after the KO, Izzo graciously accepted the spoils of this contest and acknowledged a better looking opponent in the the Rocket, which valiantly challenged this heavyweight, but was outclassed tonight. Rocket has retained the light heavy belt as Izzo was unable to meet the lighter fight weight.

While Rocket was outclassed by a stronger, harder hitting opponent tonight, legions of fans were seen waiting at the stadium exit for autographs. Rocket remains the much loved crowd favourite. Surgeons will attend to the fragile Rocket nose on Monday and we all know that Rocket will recover well and be back in the ring soon.

Izzo is placed in the difficult predicament of being the reigning heavyweight class leader with an absence of challengers. While there are a number of possible opponents, it’s proving difficult to find one prepared to step up in the ring with this heavyweight champion.

Next up, the Super Heavy main event of the evening where the unknown Rocket R NINE ONE is up against the ageing La Marzocco GS3. Those crazy American promotors were pushing for an all out three way cage match with these two and  Slayer, but this is a class event- so it’s not to be (Some flyweight upstart flow profiling e-61 amateur by the name of Bianca offered to take on the Slayer and the room then dissolved into hysterics).

Many Australians will not know the Rocket- new to Australia but said to be rested and relaxed after a holiday break on the beach. We are assured that Rocket has sailed through a punishing training programme in Milan and is itching to take on the old fella from Florence. Can the ageing champ retain the title?

Fight 3: Super heavyweight division: La Marzocco GS3 MP conical valve v Rocket Espresso R NINE ONE

Well, you saw the action at the weigh in. Both fighters came in within weight and then not a single word was said. The newcomer attempted to stare down the Florence old-timer but gaze was not averted. The crowd’s revved up and we’re all expecting that this one will go down to the wire!

Round #1

Rocket was straight out of the blue corner and landed its stainless chassis and superior boiler size straight to the body of the GS3, almost before the GS3 had lifted a glove. Whilst the GS3 felt the blows on its smaller boilers and softer powdercoat iron chassis, the combo barely drew a flinch. The GS3 countered with great steam performance, but that was easily blocked by Rocket’s lever operated steam control which was more accurate and ultimately more powerful than the all or nothing response on offer from the LM. Lots of posturing and shadow boxing for the rest of the round and then a ring of the bell. Judges score the round as drawn with one judge awarding a single extra point to the Rocket

Rounds #2-8

In this captivating contest, neither fighter is giving much. Rocket scores a clean punch with its high quality touch sensitive interface over the old style button interface of the LM. Each fighter draws and lands pressure profiling for next level cup quality and paddle operated, saturated groups. Fighters return to their respective corners at the end of each round looking fresh and ready to continue. Judges score these rounds as drawn. At this point, the contest could go either way if one of our fighters can land the knockout punch volley.

Rounds #10-13

Both fighters are fatigued and there’s still nothing in it. Rocket offered a terrific build quality combo but LM turned around, showed the branding on the rear of its shorts and there is still nothing in it. One of these fighters is going to need to dig deep and find something if we’re gonna have a winner. The crowd were on their feet cheering for LM. There’s the bell and both fighter retire to their corners. The exhaustion is showing and the trainers attend to bloodied brows on both fighters.

Round #14

Our fighters are out for this penultimate round and it’s blow for blow. This one looks like it’s going the full distance. We’ve 20 seconds to the bell and this is an amazing fight. Both fighters are refusing to give ground and using the ropes. Ten seconds and Rocket lands an incredible five punch pressure profiling combo which allows the user to view a profile as a real-time graph and then save it if desired. It’s decisive. LM goes straight to the mat.

It’s a shock knockout and the fight is over. The crowd is silent while the LM team revive their fighter. It’s not looking good. Slowly, LM regains consciousness. The ref. raises the hand of the winner and the crowd remains stunned at this new upstart and the surprise result. What an upset!Stay tuned for next 

LM and its training team retire to the rooms to dress the wounds and consider the future.

Result: Rocket Espresso R NINE ONE in a knockout.

Ladies and gentlemen, behold the new title holder! We have a new super-heavyweight champion of the prosumer coffee world!

Stay tuned for next week’s fight club when we’ll have two great fights. Even the bookies are having trouble setting odds on these amazing matchups.

  • Izzo Vivi v Rocket Espresso Mozzafiato Tipo V
  • Izzo Alex Duetto IV plus v La Marzocco Linea mini

 

 

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